Yes…another blog for Breast Cancer but in memory of my sweet mama!

It’s October and I can’t deny my eyes are caught off guard by every pink thing I see. Whether attached to meaning or not I’m led down a path of memory. The cupcakes with pink frosting and decorated with a pink bow- do not entice- in fact in makes my tummy turn. As although they are too rustle support, praise victories – there is nothing pink and frilly about Cancer. There is nothing pink and frilly about the women out there on the front lines battling it. They are blood raw with courage… I imagine – hair if they have it, tied back with a Rosie the riveter type scarf adorning their new frizzy tussles. Sleeves rolled up with grit and dirt and faces covered in warrior paint. The colors that come to mind are deep red, purple hues of visceral blues – as they run full force into battle, mouths wide open chanting tribal sounds of war! ” we will not be broken” in full declaration with the utmost integrity and dignity. These are woman that know even after the fight is done there will be no washing up to adorn pink frilly scarfs, pink bows, pink sweaters and parade around as if they were wearing tutus, glass slippers and magic wands. The wanderlust of the innocent years- these woman know after a battle with breast cancer that the glass slippers break. In fact they shatter and their families know that the perfect picture is now smashed too. Now they beat their soles to the earth each time they walk with a grounding and understanding of life that cannot be dressed up in the innocence of pink…

I have walked and ran many a pink 5K. With woman, 8 in fact who have all since passed from this atrocious disease. One happens to be my mother so forgive my rawness. And although the comradery and hope was found in pink shirts with our team name glittered on them. Behind closed doors it was deep red blood stained sheets and towels that my memory remembers this October and every October that has since passed.

I do commend those that look to support by purchasing a jar off pink salsa or a water bottle with a pink bow on it- but I ask you to be wise about your purchases and challenge the companies to understand truly where your money is going- not to support blindly someone’s clever marketing scheme or scam….

Those touched by the true colors of Cancer I’m sure will agree…

In October I look for my mother is the hues of the turning leaves, their vibrancy reminds me and gives me more hope that the shop shelves. This seasons change is poignant as it marks clearly who and what will survive the cold bitter winter – much like cancer in its fight.

Recently at the end of summer when the days were getting distinctly shorter and the sun felt lower and more tangible. I sat on our back porch nursing AnyA- and maybe as my breasts were being tugged on in the setting day. I found myself thinking of my own sweet mama and needing a sign that she was with me…a real sign.. In the coming days (unbeknownst to me at the time) our lives were going to get very dark and heavy by a force we were not equipped for. The thought escaped me then with the setting sun and did not enter my mind again until 3 days later I received a random text from an old friend.

“…Hope you are well? My Mom emailed me this recipe.She said it was your mothers recipe and probably still to this day the best chocolate mousse she has ever had!…not sure if you have it, but my mom thought you would really like to. xoxo”

My heart sunk and swam a thousand billion miles as I scrolled down to read the recipe I had searched 11 years for. The recipe I created an entire hit one woman show over and toured internationally with: The Things I wish My Mother would have told me…Her bloody chocolate mousse recipe!!! I finally had it – but this text was deeper than the initial excitement to get into the kitchen and starting cooking it up – this text was very clearly my sign, my mother. And as this force prevailed in our lives and sent our world off balance – this recipe rooted me firmer to the ground than I’ve ever felt before. It encouraged me, it inspired me and it fed my soul of her wisdom beyond her grave.

So this October I challenge you to put down the pink and white stripped cupcakes and feed your soul with the food your body will have an insatiable appetite for, heaven forbid you miss an opportunity with a loved ones secret recipe for life…may it be food, wisdom or love. Write them down now and treasure them. And if the opportunity has been missed, please know in your darkest hour they will come to you and hold you tight.

However you choose to offer your support, to give hope, to praise victory to encourage courage…may you do so before the winter comes!

This video is from my show: The Things I wish my mother would have told me… to raise awareness for Breast Cancer and the BRCA Gene Mutation. Here I speak of the recipe I’ve searched long and hard for –