I have an hour…

Yes an hour to write you this…contrary to popular belief an hour is not my own limitation, it is the limitation set before me due to dinner time, bath time, story time, bedtime.

My husbands favorite go to, when I’m frustrated is: “You need to make more time.” Perhaps there is an element of truth to that, but when  your this mama caught in the moment of it all- it is incredibly hard to distance myself and let go to what needs to get done, to steal another 20 minutes of peace. I will work on “Time” management this coming year.

But I’m clearly wasting “time” right now- discussing it…So I have an hour to tell you what they don’t teach you in Drama School, or music school or to my knowledge any school, but particularly an artistic environment. And in my case and incredibly pressurized artistic environment.

My high school years were spent under the mantra of “You must be willing to suffer and die for your art.” And I did – on many levels, skip the eating disorders to size down to a 00 for the commercial world of New York City. I suffered long hours of missed life moments creating, destroying, becoming, battling my inner soul to be an artist. College was one big head fuck – yes I was brought to the bare bones of who I was and told to face them…at times a psychiatric ward would have been more fitting for what my college professor wanted to emote. But there is a part of me that knows my undeniable strength of self – due to exercises where I’m told I’m holding a loaded gun and someone in the room is out to kill me. I still hold a candle to the day where my girlfriend Hannah and I were put in a black box studio and told for lack of a better description to “Egg each other on.” Nail marks, bite marks, hair pulled – this was suffering…this was ART! And I mourn the complete loss of control that day…Control that I’ve had over my life since the age of four when I first decided I was to be an artist, an actress of that matter (I didn’t know better). That control has seen me through many exciting career moments. Working with dream directors, creating my own work, writing, directing, starring…

And then it all fell apart for me…I had a vision…I had a goal…And then I fell in love…then I got married…

But I still maintained on my daily commute to New York City that this was just the beginning of me. My control would not let me let go of who I believed I was destined to be.

Time is ticking away on all levels…

I remember the day the dean of my drama school brought his baby in for the first time. I gushed in awe, waiting in line to have my chance to hold “THE BABY” and as she looked up at me an cooed my heart skipped a beat. You see babies where not part of any plan…You couldn’t win an Oscar with a baby (although my dad jokingly suggested down the line, Oscar would make a great baby name.) And as I lost myself in the moment of holding this dear baby, the dean looked at me and said “Don’t go getting any ideas, this is what you do when you given up all resources to succeed. You are talented Mia and on the right path, you have the dedication and the ability to want and need to suffer…don’t go getting foolish.”

It was no surprise when I called to tell my father I was in love and getting married – that he told me to get on the next flight home.

It was no surprise when I called a close friend in a panic to tell her I was pregnant – that she said “What are you going to do, you were the successful one of all of us.”

It was no surprise that in the moments most are happiest, I had felt I had let someone down.

You know why…because they don’t teach you in drama school – That life MUST go on…nope it is always about the SHOW!

I sat across the dinner table from someone last month, a beautiful young artist – deciding after her visit home for Thanksgiving with her family if she should give it all up and settle. Give her pursuit to write, create and perform up and look for a more “traditional form of life.” And it irked me that as artists we feel that we need to make the choice. Or that others feel that there is a choice to be made.

If you are lucky enough to be born with a talent to create, transform, enlighten (all of which art is capable of doing) then do not deny yourself the human experiences of life and love.

Just after I got married I was called in to read for Marci Phillips, head of casting at ABC. I sat across a beautiful young actress at the time, that apparently was just back at work after having a baby. When Marci took us both into the room – she discussed how her read was more grounded and connected than ever before. When the actress left, Marci remarked “that is girl who knows what she wants from life.” It stuck with me…It was not anything to do with her audition, it was everything to do with her soul. She was living life, married, having babies and giving stellar reads. Her energy was complete and real.

There is a confidence and grounding to an artist work when he or she allows life to exist. You do not get stuck in a world of desperation – but learn to appreciate and trust all aspects of the world. And better yet as artist you are different from your counterparts that don’t have the ability and foresight to create and inspire – instead of settling you are gaining a wisdom that is far more fruitful that any work you have to suffer for.

And yes time isn’t always on your side…I hear a screaming baby needing me right now.

And yes during this time of “having babies” not much work is getting written, there are three projects left disjointed on the shelf and in my brain fear settles in and argues with me that I have failed.

But I have greater rewards – I have a home that I’ve created as a safe haven for kids to come and play and explore. I have two glorious babies that have no idea of the control and the restrictions I placed on myself – so live my days without judgment.

And in the hour I get to sneak a quick writing session in – I know that the sacrifice I’m making now isn’t a sacrifice at all…it is a pure joy to be a mother and an “artistic mama” at that!

So if this is your year where family are questioning your career, your future, your stability…and you feel like a choice is needing to be made. Please, please never feel that by getting married, having children or settling for what feels like a conventional life is anything short of the artistic journey you are on. Your work will be better off if you tell yourself you can have both!

Damn my phone rang last month telling me I’d booked a National commercial without even an audition. Now that saved a lot of “time”.

Good Luck – let 2016 be your greatest creation!!!

*This picture are my two greatest creations creating!!!